Monday, April 25, 2011

Women, Money, and Power


Today I met with Lisa Gresham who is a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and founder of Equitable Divorce Solutions, LLC at a networking event. Having survived divorce, I was intrigued by her unique niche and the type of women she works with. I imagined she met with many women from my mother's generation who were not financially prepared or educated to proceed on their own after their divorce. It was not uncommon for women of my mother's age group to rely on their husbands to manage the finances. What I was surpised to find out, however, is that women of today still find themselves in these same cultural roles. When divorce rears its ugly head, women are often caught off guard, unclear about what the household finances are or where they are for that matter. But, as I looked back at my divorce, I realized I had done the same thing. Never being particularly comfortable with numbers, budgets and finances, I gladly endorsed my husband as the financial manager of the house and kept my head in the sand. Was I shocked to find out that he had a separate bank account when we were getting divorced!

So why does this happen? Why are women still handing over financial management to others? There are many explanations. First, men and women are socialized to conceptualize money in different ways. There is a great article in Psychology Today that describes this more fully (http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199901/men-women-and-money?page=2). As started earlier, in the U.S., it has been a cultural norm that men look after the finances and women manage the household. But I propose another reason and it has to do with power, or the perception of the lack of it.

There are many types of power and here are a few:

1) Legitimate Power:
This comes from a position one holds and is related to roles and skills. For example, a parent, boss, president has this type of power.
2) Expert Power:
This derives from expertise in a particular area and can be related to education, training, experience, etc.
3) Cultural Power:
This stems from cultural norms of a group or society. Men and women's roles vary greatly depending on this.
4) Information Power:
This comes from having valuable information or ways to obtain and access it.
5) Connection Power:
This is based on who you know.

Dictionary.com defines power as taking action and the capability of doing or accomplishing something. So I started thinking about why I ignored my finances and let another manage my hard-earned money, and I realized something. There was a time I did not have any expertise, information, or connection power regarding money. And because of this, I always felt intimidated and powerless. But taking classes, talking to financial experts, finding female financial mentors, and searching for information can equip you with the power you need to be in charge. Of course, working together with a significant other on money matters is important and there even might be one of you who is more naturally inclined to take on this role. But both parties can participate.

Reclaiming your power in any arena of your life starts with information. Talk with others, read, study, learn and become a woman with Expert Power. Remember, you are a women and this gives you Legitimate Power in all sorts of ways!

If you are going through a divorce and need help, you can contact Lisa Gresham at Equitable Divorce Solutions, LLC, 203-245-1225 or www.EquitableDivorce.net

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