Thursday, March 24, 2011

Boosters vs Busters.....How To Build Self-Esteem

Self-esteem,the ability to feel capable, loveable, and worthwhile, is complicated. We start to develop a self-image very early in life from our family of origin and later from experiences we have with people we encounter such as friends, teachers, coaches, etc. Women have the added burden of unrealistic beauty standards that are reinforced at every turn through the media and established cultural norms.

It is no wonder that we develop an inner critic that chastises us when we are not living up to these powerful messasges that we have been exposed to. As a result, life becomes a series of "shoulds" and we find ourselves losing the battle of living up to past and current expectations. You know some of the obvious ones, "I should be thinner, quieter, prettier, do more, work harder," but there are many, many more.

So, you ask, is it possible to change how we feel about ourselves? YES!!!Good self-esteem takes work both to build it and keep it at a healthy level. Remember, how we feel about ourselves will impact our world view and actions. We have talked about some of the ways to do this in earlier blogs related to positive thinking strategies. Below are a few more self-esteem boosters that will help you feel more positive and empowered!

SELF-ESTEEM BOOSTERS

1. Surround yourself with positive and nurturing people: This might seem easy but it can be difficult to find people who are positive about themselves and life. Start looking for those who boost you up and minimize your contact with those who put you down.

2. Do something you do well everyday: Is there an activity or task you perform that makes you feel good about yourself? It might be as simple as cleaning out a drawer, participating in a hobby you love, taking a walk, or talking with a friend. Plan at least one of these activities each day.

3. Create an affirmation journal: At least once a day, write a list of positive actions you have taken and qualities you notice about yourself. You can start by answering the following questions: a) I feel good when I do.....b)I felt good today because I....c)I am really good at....d)One of my talents is....

4. Monitor your inner dialogue: When you hear self-critical dialogue, answer it back and move on. So for instance, if you hear, "You are such a loser!", immediately say, "I am not!!! I'm doing the best I can." Countering negative self-talk with positive statements is a winning strategy.

5. Eliminate "shoulds":
"Shoulds" keep us stuck in one place usually because they are impossible goals to reach. Keep a log of all the "shoulds" you have in a day and start to work on them one-by-one.

6. Identify positive qualities and strengths: You can do this in a few ways. Google "positive quality list", print it out, and circle those that you have. It is easier to identify these when you have a list. Also, Dr. Seligman at Authentic Happiness (www.authentichappiness.com) has a variety of quick assessments you can take to help with this. He has a
"Strengths Test" that might be quite useful for this activity. Once you have done this, notice them!!

7. Learn something new everyday:
Whether it is a new word or information from an article, it can boost your confidence in everyday life. Feeding your brain with new information helps develop new brain cells and builds your repertoire of knowledge which always boosts your self-confidence, particularly in social circles.

8. Concentrate on aspects you like about yourself: We all have a specialty. Maybe you are a really great cook, helpful neighbor, team player at work, master gardner or carpenter, or great friend. Refresh your thoughts often with your likeable qualities. We often spend too much time thinking about all of our negative characteristics.